Beautiful, visceral, achingly familiar. We left our beloved church six years ago and it felt like wandering into the wild unknown. I had a similar bodily knowing that I ignored for many months because jumping off the cliff was simply too scary and inconvenient. Our whole world was centered around that church: our friendships, our social calendar, our belief system and worldview. And when we left, all of that fell away, a swift and clean severing. Most of the people whom we loved and had loved us so well never spoke to us again; our questions threatened their own certainty and belonging, and doubt can be catching. It was lonely and painful and terrifying. But I learned a lot in the process, namely that I never again want to be in a place where my belonging hinges on swallowing down my doubts, questions, and innate wisdom. The jump is hard, but I hope you feel that you've caught yourself at the bottom.
Yes to all of this, Melissa. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story here, too. I understand what it is to have your whole world centered around a church. "A swift and clean severing"—I feel it, too. I hope you have found some rest and healing in the past few years. Sharing with others helps. <3
Beautiful, as always, Krista. I just wanted to say there is no hurry to figure it all out. There is learning to live in the tension and uncertainty (with hands/heart open). God is so, so patient with us in his love 🩷
This was so beautifully woven together, Krista. I felt it. Was so encouraged by your new church experience and the final scene of jumping into your dad's arms and feeling safe... ah! What a gift. Appreciate your honesty and your words so so much.
Thank you for this deeply vulnerable and personal share. I relate to so much here, and I know so many other women who do as well. I will be thinking about this piece for weeks, months, and perhaps years.
Oh Liz, thank you! That’s my sincere hope—that this one little story among many other stories can help someone feel less alone. Thank you for sharing this with me!
Stunning, beautiful, relatable. I also remember my first cliff jump, felt so similar. Did you pivot to visit an Anglican Church? I found so much healing there after hurt in another church.
Yes, Alyssa! A local Anglican church—there's something about that tradition in particular that lends itself towards healing and wholeness. I love that this is part of your story, too! Would love to talk more about it with you sometime.
This is beautiful, Krista. Keep listening, finding the edge, jumping, and writing. I was fortunate to take a WONDERFUL workshop on Madeline Island with Molly Wizenberg in 2022. Keep an eye out--I think she may offer one in 2026. https://www.mollywizenberg.com/upcomingworkshops
Before we left our previous church in 2019, I spent at least a year, probably more, with my arms crossed in one of the back rows. In the hours before church, my mind would start racing. Sometimes my head would hurt. Then it made its way down into my stomach, the very gut of my being. Ending up in the crossed arms. The hunching. Both an expression of anger, an attitude, but also a protective posture.
Faith means you have belief even if there is some doubt. In fact doubt is essential for a life of faith to be meaningful. Faith also means there is evidence for the belief and the choice one has made. If the choice is 100% emotional, then one is admitting there is no evidence for the belief or the faith.
From what I gather you are/were a Christian. There is lots of evidence far Christianity so faith or belief in it is very rational. There is no alternative that is close to it for being true. So that is something you can have with you 100% of the time.
Beautiful, visceral, achingly familiar. We left our beloved church six years ago and it felt like wandering into the wild unknown. I had a similar bodily knowing that I ignored for many months because jumping off the cliff was simply too scary and inconvenient. Our whole world was centered around that church: our friendships, our social calendar, our belief system and worldview. And when we left, all of that fell away, a swift and clean severing. Most of the people whom we loved and had loved us so well never spoke to us again; our questions threatened their own certainty and belonging, and doubt can be catching. It was lonely and painful and terrifying. But I learned a lot in the process, namely that I never again want to be in a place where my belonging hinges on swallowing down my doubts, questions, and innate wisdom. The jump is hard, but I hope you feel that you've caught yourself at the bottom.
Yes to all of this, Melissa. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story here, too. I understand what it is to have your whole world centered around a church. "A swift and clean severing"—I feel it, too. I hope you have found some rest and healing in the past few years. Sharing with others helps. <3
Beautiful, as always, Krista. I just wanted to say there is no hurry to figure it all out. There is learning to live in the tension and uncertainty (with hands/heart open). God is so, so patient with us in his love 🩷
Thanks for this reminder, friend.
This is so beautifully written and describes how I am feeling so, so well 🥹😭 thank you!
Hugs, Laura! It feels so lonely until you realize how many, many people are in a very similar boat.
This was so beautifully woven together, Krista. I felt it. Was so encouraged by your new church experience and the final scene of jumping into your dad's arms and feeling safe... ah! What a gift. Appreciate your honesty and your words so so much.
Oh Megan, I'm glad it was an encouragement! I appreciate you reading and sharing this with me.
Thank you for this deeply vulnerable and personal share. I relate to so much here, and I know so many other women who do as well. I will be thinking about this piece for weeks, months, and perhaps years.
Oh Liz, thank you! That’s my sincere hope—that this one little story among many other stories can help someone feel less alone. Thank you for sharing this with me!
Beautiful. I have experienced much of the same. Your way of articulating it makes me feel seen. Thank you for being vulnerable to share this with us.
That's all I ever hope for in putting words out there—thank you, Allecia! I appreciate this.
Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much, Ashley!
Wow. Stunning Krista.
Thanks for reading, Bec. <3
Gorgeous. Gripping. Love your heart here.
Liv, I'm so grateful you've been able to share in some of this journey. Thank you friend! And thanks for reading, too.
Stunning, beautiful, relatable. I also remember my first cliff jump, felt so similar. Did you pivot to visit an Anglican Church? I found so much healing there after hurt in another church.
Yes, Alyssa! A local Anglican church—there's something about that tradition in particular that lends itself towards healing and wholeness. I love that this is part of your story, too! Would love to talk more about it with you sometime.
"first, the solid ground beneath my feet.
Then, all at once, nothing but air."
This is beautiful, Krista. Keep listening, finding the edge, jumping, and writing. I was fortunate to take a WONDERFUL workshop on Madeline Island with Molly Wizenberg in 2022. Keep an eye out--I think she may offer one in 2026. https://www.mollywizenberg.com/upcomingworkshops
Thank you so much, Kaitlin. And a workshop on the Island sounds absolutely *delightful*! I'll be on the lookout for that.
Before we left our previous church in 2019, I spent at least a year, probably more, with my arms crossed in one of the back rows. In the hours before church, my mind would start racing. Sometimes my head would hurt. Then it made its way down into my stomach, the very gut of my being. Ending up in the crossed arms. The hunching. Both an expression of anger, an attitude, but also a protective posture.
The body always knows. ❤️
Absolutely. And even the anger is protective, right? I appreciate you sharing this, Shannon. Thank you.
Thank you for this, Krista.
Thanks for reading, Margaret!
This was beautiful, Krista!
Thanks, friend!
“ the edge of the faith”
Faith means you have belief even if there is some doubt. In fact doubt is essential for a life of faith to be meaningful. Faith also means there is evidence for the belief and the choice one has made. If the choice is 100% emotional, then one is admitting there is no evidence for the belief or the faith.
From what I gather you are/were a Christian. There is lots of evidence far Christianity so faith or belief in it is very rational. There is no alternative that is close to it for being true. So that is something you can have with you 100% of the time.