Oh my gosh, Krista, as I was reading this I was like, "I have to tell Krista about my episode with Christie!" Then what a delight to see you had already heard it. (I had one recently on enneagrams too you might have seen.)
I have a saying that might help you and your daughter. It's something I feel SO strongly: not only do you get to choose your friends, but you should be friends with people you like. That last part might seem obvious, but often time we lean towards forwards for other reasons (they're friends with people we want to be close to, our parents are friends, our kids are friends so we're friends, etc. You can and should be friendly with those people. But you should be friends with people you like (and respect and who treat you well!)
The enneagram and Roman Empire bit made me laugh! Enneagram 1 here. Have also tried to reform so 👏🏼 many 👏🏼 things 👏🏼
My husband is definitely thinking about the Roman Empire and not worried about all the things I’ve tried to reform 😫
Interesting re: female friendships. I only have boys and the thought of navigating girls through this is terrifying! But only yesterday I was talking with my son about the middle point you gave to your daughter—if your friend consistently hurts you after you say you don’t like it (and for him, it’s getting thrown to the floor), what do you learn? He’s not a good friend. He’s not being kind. So either hit him back or find someone else to play with but don’t let him keeping hurting you!
I think it must be scary in different ways with boys, like you're saying. I grew up with brothers and it was sooo much easier to just shove each other and be done with it! Haha :) Thanks for reading, Bec. I always love hearing your insights.
Oh what a read. I have three daughters and this, this topic has started- and they are all under 6. I've shared with a few friends it is too good not to pass on.
Thank you for sharing Vanessa! It’s also a comfort to know that I’m not the only one starting to have these conversations with my girls, even though they’re both so young still!
Haha well I am definitely not an expert, but I actually purchased a test from the Enneagram institute and that’s how I confirmed that I am, indeed, a one. 😂
Circle—exactly 🧡 Friendship in our 30’s > than every previous decade for real sure. Thanks for writing this! I’ve been working on an essay about friendship this month—still processing and trying to land the plane.
"“It may sound noble, but it actually means I struggle to accept things for what they are and will run myself ragged trying to make them better. Doesn’t this make so much sense? Maybe this is why I’m so tired!” I exclaim.
More blinking. Some vague nodding. Probably he is thinking about the Roman Empire."
That last line made me laugh. =)
And the first bit is SO insightful! As I fellow enneagram 1, I also remember the first time I read about Ones being referred to as Reformers instead of Perfectionists - it felt like a more accurate, nuanced, positive title, and I rejoiced. But you're right- the dark side of a Reformer can be the refusal to accept things (aka reality) for what it is, and I'm finally realizing it's exhausting! As is the belief that you can fix anything about anyone but yourself- ask me how I know. 😅
I also loved the bit about the conversations you've had to have with your daughters- my girls are 6 and 8, and we've had very similar talks already too. Isn't it cool how in guiding and teaching them, we often remind ourselves of truths we may have forgotten?
This was such a fun and helpful read, thank you for sharing!
Exactly! I think they can be called Idealists, Perfectionists, or Reformers but I do jive with "Reformer" the most, like you're saying. It's so sweet to be able to re-parent ourselves as we raise our girls, I agree! A true gift of parenthood that I just did not even knew existed. Thanks for reading and sharing, Colby!
You had me at enneagram. Also, the very well placed “Probably he is thinking about the Roman Empire.” which made me lol
lol you know I had to throw in a Roman Empire joke.
Oh my gosh, Krista, as I was reading this I was like, "I have to tell Krista about my episode with Christie!" Then what a delight to see you had already heard it. (I had one recently on enneagrams too you might have seen.)
I have a saying that might help you and your daughter. It's something I feel SO strongly: not only do you get to choose your friends, but you should be friends with people you like. That last part might seem obvious, but often time we lean towards forwards for other reasons (they're friends with people we want to be close to, our parents are friends, our kids are friends so we're friends, etc. You can and should be friendly with those people. But you should be friends with people you like (and respect and who treat you well!)
Thanks for linking the interview with Christie!
I've seen the one on enneagrams and the one on choosing friends you like! Your work is so encouraging and timely. Thank you, Nina!
The enneagram and Roman Empire bit made me laugh! Enneagram 1 here. Have also tried to reform so 👏🏼 many 👏🏼 things 👏🏼
My husband is definitely thinking about the Roman Empire and not worried about all the things I’ve tried to reform 😫
Interesting re: female friendships. I only have boys and the thought of navigating girls through this is terrifying! But only yesterday I was talking with my son about the middle point you gave to your daughter—if your friend consistently hurts you after you say you don’t like it (and for him, it’s getting thrown to the floor), what do you learn? He’s not a good friend. He’s not being kind. So either hit him back or find someone else to play with but don’t let him keeping hurting you!
I think it must be scary in different ways with boys, like you're saying. I grew up with brothers and it was sooo much easier to just shove each other and be done with it! Haha :) Thanks for reading, Bec. I always love hearing your insights.
Yes yes yes. We choose who to spend time with. And I laughed so hard about enneagram = Roman Empire.
Why is choice so novel sometimes?! And lol, thank you for appreciating my humor 😂
"abundance, not scarcity." So good.
Oh what a read. I have three daughters and this, this topic has started- and they are all under 6. I've shared with a few friends it is too good not to pass on.
Thank you for sharing Vanessa! It’s also a comfort to know that I’m not the only one starting to have these conversations with my girls, even though they’re both so young still!
Well I just love this Krista. You've done it again. <3
Molly, thank you sweet friend!
I will be chewing on this for a while. So so good. But also, where do I start with the enneagram?!?!
Haha well I am definitely not an expert, but I actually purchased a test from the Enneagram institute and that’s how I confirmed that I am, indeed, a one. 😂
Ahh, circles!! This gives me a lot to think about as a two who wants everyone to love me and to also love me the best. 🥴😬
Totally!! So relatable Erin. 🩷
Circle—exactly 🧡 Friendship in our 30’s > than every previous decade for real sure. Thanks for writing this! I’ve been working on an essay about friendship this month—still processing and trying to land the plane.
I can't wait to read it, Sara! And I agree with you. Here's to our friendship decade :)
Ditto Sara. Also look forward to reading this essay 😉
Tracking. 🫡
Liv, I thought you might! Thanks for reading :)
"“It may sound noble, but it actually means I struggle to accept things for what they are and will run myself ragged trying to make them better. Doesn’t this make so much sense? Maybe this is why I’m so tired!” I exclaim.
More blinking. Some vague nodding. Probably he is thinking about the Roman Empire."
That last line made me laugh. =)
And the first bit is SO insightful! As I fellow enneagram 1, I also remember the first time I read about Ones being referred to as Reformers instead of Perfectionists - it felt like a more accurate, nuanced, positive title, and I rejoiced. But you're right- the dark side of a Reformer can be the refusal to accept things (aka reality) for what it is, and I'm finally realizing it's exhausting! As is the belief that you can fix anything about anyone but yourself- ask me how I know. 😅
I also loved the bit about the conversations you've had to have with your daughters- my girls are 6 and 8, and we've had very similar talks already too. Isn't it cool how in guiding and teaching them, we often remind ourselves of truths we may have forgotten?
This was such a fun and helpful read, thank you for sharing!
Exactly! I think they can be called Idealists, Perfectionists, or Reformers but I do jive with "Reformer" the most, like you're saying. It's so sweet to be able to re-parent ourselves as we raise our girls, I agree! A true gift of parenthood that I just did not even knew existed. Thanks for reading and sharing, Colby!