Telling the Truth Is Harder Than It Seems

A story about getting stuck in my own untrue stories (again), plus a collection of delights for January

More often than I care to admit, I am blindsided by my own lack of awareness of the untrue stories I’ve been telling myself.

Wait, seriously? Again?! How did this happen again?! I have been known to wail facedown into my pillow. I thought I was so self-aware!

This is always incredibly embarrassing to me for many reasons, not the least of which is because I value telling true stories, no matter the cost (see: title of my Substack).

So what happens when the stories I’ve been telling myself are, in fact, old, untrue ones that are no longer helpful?

Great question, I’d love to tell you.

(Told with all the humor I can muster, true Elyse Myers style.)

Here is how it will go:

Something innocuous will happen. Very likely, it will be the innocent byproduct of people just living their lives.

You will take this information to be confirmation of the story you’ve been telling yourself because you were unconsciously looking to confirm it in the first place.

You will feel old, familiar feelings like hurt and anger and, even though those feelings kind of suck, they will still in some way feel like a warm, cozy blanket because they have been there for you so often before and “protect” you from more vulnerable feelings.

You will have zero chill. You will lose your grasp on current reality. You will enter an alternate dimension where you are, once again, twelve¹. In this state, you will let said people know how you are feeling while also taking zero responsibility for said feelings because it just feels better this way.

Your husband will try to be kind and supportive and tell you that you have “integrity”. Later, you will ask him if what he really means is “intensity”.

You will go to therapy, like a good Millennial.

Your therapist will confirm that this does, indeed, sound like a personal problem. She will recommend crying and moving your body next time, instead, to give your brain time to remember that it is almost thirty years old and not twelve.

You will be annoyed that healing is the slowest train in the history of the ever-loving world.

You will apologize (again) and ask for forgiveness (again) and thank God (again) that your people still love you and are not leaving you for someone with fewer problems.

Later—maybe in a few months, maybe in a year—you will start to believe the insidious, untrue story again.

But next time, you will remember your game plan: Carry the feelings that are yours to carry. Lace up your running shoes. Press play on your ragey workout playlist. Revel in the fact that Olivia Rodrigo is not just for the tweens, y’all.

And, if you ever can’t remember the true story, your people will remind you—because isn’t that what love does?

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Onto this month’s delights!

Currently reading (or recently finished): How to Stay Married, The Bright Hour, Everything All At Once, Demon Copperhead, Sharks in the Rivers, No Bad Parts, and Set Boundaries, Find Peace. (Also pre-ordered Maggie Smith’s picture book and am so excited to read this with my girls)!

The winter here in Minnesota has been unusually mild but it did remind us for a couple of subzero days why we love to hate it. That being said, our skin is very dry, and we are cold. Here are some things that help: these thermal tops as both base layers and pajamas (size up), a small humidifier in each of our bedrooms (these drops help keep the scum away between washes), a good drugstore night moisturizer that’s thick but doesn’t cause breakouts (almost-thirty-year-old me recommends night creams I guess), and this hand cream that I’ve purchased a trillion times over the years.

Things my kids have been loving: Stockmar crayons, Art for Kids Hub , this potholder weaving loom, fort building, and allll the winter art projects.

Wearing lately: This hat is kind of ridiculous, but helps me feel safe when I walk in the dark. This NARS concealer is my new favorite thing for those dark, under-eye circles. Annnnd a pair of GAP jeans that are a good mix between not-skinny but also not-weird (IYKYK). Also, my friend’s in-laws have a place near Celebration, Florida and she brought me back this soft, ribbed sweatshirt in my favorite color. No link, just a high-quality bathroom selfie. I have worn this an embarrassing number of days in a row.

Joe and I have loved reading in the evenings together. When we’re not, we’re playing Ticket to Ride or watching Fool Me Once, which is so dark and twisty I can barely keep up (in the best way possible).

Eats: Sooo many soups and stews: Chicken and Wild Rice Soup, Creamy Spinach Artichoke Stew (think: artichoke dip in soup form), Butternut Squash Minestrone, and our favorite Turkey Chili recipe.

I also got this Snacking Cakes cookbook (rec’d by my friend Shannon) and it’s been amaaazing. We’ve tried several of the cakes so far, the chocolate ones being our current favorites.

Some highly enjoyable pieces I’ve read online lately: A piece from the New York Times on a whale who went AWOL ,

Sari Botton

’s interview of Megan Stielstra, and every single thing that

Jeannine Ouellette

puts out over at Writing in the Dark. She is a true genius (and a fellow Minnesotan, so now I love her even more).

ICYMI: I had this essay featured in C+C’s Winter Collection, on old-growth forests and building a strong marriage over time. I also wrote a piece on baby teeth (but actually not at all about baby teeth). AND Part-Time Poets’ ninth issue comes out tomorrow!

That’s it, friends!

Tell me—what is bringing you delight, these days?

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Photo by Lucas Sankey on Unsplash

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1. May I humbly assert that your younger parts are still alive and well inside of you and if that sounds too woo-woo for you, that’s cool, but there’s research to back it up.