New Year, New Me
(Lol jk, I'm the same) Plus, a collection of delights for January
Well, friends, it is that time of year when you have either continued to [insert your new year’s resolution here], or you have not. If you are in the former category, congratulations—I am truly, very impressed. Your determination is astounding. If you are like me and have already fallen off the boat, solidarity. (I made a resolution to drink more water. I made it exactly three days drinking my allotted eight glasses and after that, I went right back to drinking coffee almost exclusively. So long, hydration. I’ll give water another try in 2024, I guess).
In all seriousness, I am working on letting go of making any burdensome new year’s resolutions this year. This is incredibly difficult for me as a perfectionist/planner/achievement-oriented person. I’m a Type 1 on the Enneagram, for crying out loud—a Reformer! New year’s resolutions are my time to shine, baby! The week leading up to January 1st is way more exciting to me than Christmas (don’t tell my children). I get out fresh pencils and make spreadsheets and write lists and then wave them around and imagine I’m Oprah announcing: “YOU get a resolution and YOU get a resolution and the CHILDREN get a resolution and WE’RE ALL getting resolutions—WOOOOOOO!!!!” (*cue happy tears.*)
This year is different (fine, mostly different—In a moment of weakness, I did purchase a goal-setting planner and then never returned it, even though my therapist told me I really should as a step towards growth, but I digress). For the most part, I am striving to love future me—the me that will be living in February and June and September and beyond. Rather than load her up with the weight of a hundred unmet expectations, I am choosing something a bit lighter. I’m choosing gentleness, reasonableness, compassion, rest—all the unseen things we doers and achievers and pull-ourselves-up-by-the-bootstrap-ers tend to undervalue (or just plain ignore). I’m choosing to hold my intentions with an open hand—to consider them a practice rather than an assignment. I’m choosing to begin letting go of rigidity. I’m choosing to make space for what truly lights me up. I’m choosing to resist the urge to chuck it all in the trash when things inevitably fall by the wayside, and I’m also choosing to carry my “successes” lightly—to refuse to etch those onto my heart and call them “identity”.
As my therapist tends to ask me: “What does it look like to live in the gray?”
Once we stop careening back and forth from black to white and back again, I think we’ll find that there’s so much grace to be found right in the middle.
Won’t you find out with me this year?
learning with littles
A snapshot of what the girls and I are learning together in our day-to-day:
Minnesota is not fooling around with winter this year and the amount of snow we’ve gotten this month has been craaaazy! Difficult driving conditions notwithstanding, we have all really enjoyed the joy playing in the snow has brought. This has been our first truly snowy winter in a few years so this month, we made it a priority to get our butts outside (almost) everyday. (Amy Grass always boosts my motivation in this endeavor by hosting “Janueverydayoutside” every January, and I’m here for it). I also looked into 1000 Hours Outside and decided to track our hours and see how many we get by next January! I am keeping expectations low—we will certainly not get 1000, but it’s the effort that counts. (If you do want to try and reach 1000 hours, here is a breakdown of what that looks like depending on where you live).
Getting outside and moving our bodies every day has been a significant way we’ve been able to kick off some of those “winter blues” this month. Don’t get me wrong, we have our days (weeks?) where the gray skies get the better of us, but getting outside has helped us immensely in ways previous winters cannot rival.
Some things that are encouraging us get outside right now:
-This book has some engaging outdoor activities for all seasons—even the coldest winter days! Other books that have helped change my perspective on spending time outdoors (even when it’s freezing!): this one, this one, and this one.
-Johnna is also a native Minnesota mama and has such a delightful, positive attitude about winter. Give her a follow if you need some encouragement to learn to love it, too!
-There are so many local 1000 Hours Outside groups and Free Forest School groups—it’s encouraging for me to see what other moms and kiddos in my state/local area are doing to get outside.
-These are our fairly-affordable winter/snow staples that have served us well: cotton base layers (wool ones are crazy expensive and these ones have worked just fine for us—size up to make them last multiple seasons), hand/foot warmers for the very cold days, Aquaphor stick (less messy! win!) to protect cheeks/noses/lips, and these scarves.
This month, we learned about: hibernation, snow, animal tracks, & animals in winter. If you’re interested, you can find more of our homeschool content here.
beautiful words
In no particular order, here are some words I read this month that deeply resonated with me:
-Dorothea Grossman’s poem, “I Allow Myself”— In the old days, I spread fires and floods and pestilence on my toast. Nowadays, I’m more selective, I only read my horoscope by the quiet glow of the marmalade.
- A prayer for Martin Luther King Jr. Day from Kayla Craig’s book, “To Light Their Way”— We lament the ways we have taken his quotes out of context and ignored the greater picture of his mission and ministry of social change. We walk in the paths Dr. King cleared out for us and yet we know many weeds still need to be pulled. Help us yank the violence of racism by the root from our hearts and our systems.
- “Maybe It Is Like Touching God” by Laura Wifler — Have you ever thought to yourself like I have, I shouldn’t need anything, I have Christ? But Paul needed his coat and books so much he wrote to Timothy and asked him to deliver them and God deemed it should make it into holy scriptures—so cannot I ask for coffee and my dog’s head resting in my lap?
- “Drinking Iced Coffee in January” by Lyndsay Rush — I suspect the reason we got so hyped when our parents would make breakfast for dinner (!!!) was because our tiny spirits could already sense how intent the world was on smooshing us into predictability…
books / podcasts / shows
A list of things playing in my ears, sitting on my nightstand, or streaming on my tv:
-This episode from “We Can Do Hard Things” got me good this month, you guys. I listened to it in chunks while in the car (without the children, I should mention, because language) and I have never laughed or cried or been so inspired all at the same time. The guest, Tracee Ellis Ross (from Black-ish), is hilarious, intuitive, quirky, and magnetic. This is actually becoming one of my favorite podcasts.
-I am excited to read more poetry this year and I started with this book of poems by Ellen Bass (I am having fun discovering new-to-me poets on this Insta account, and Bass is one of them). Her poetry certainly did not disappoint—this poem was one of my favorites. I read the book in one sitting and put two more of her books on hold at the library (CW: Some sexual content). I also picked up a collection of poems by Linda Pastan and equally enjoyed her wry sense of humor and musings on her own mortality.
-My husband bought me a subscription to The Mockingbird magazine for Christmas and I really enjoyed their winter issue on sleep and the gospel (say what?!). Never underestimate this magazine (executively directed by David Zahl) and its ability to tie anything to the gospel without making it sound cliché or half-baked. Sleep + waking as a mini-resurrection? Mind blown.
-Jennette McCurdy’s book, “I’m Glad My Mom Died” is blowing up in the memoir world right now and for good reason—it’s gritty, vulnerable, honest, and hilarious to boot. (If you’re like me and did not grow up watching McCurdy on iCarly, please know there’s no need to have seen it in order to understand and enjoy the book. If you’re also wondering if this memoir is only exploding “just because McCurdy was/is famous”—think again). (CW: physical/emotional abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual content).
-Joe and I watched “The Glass Onion: Knives Out” and it was a great mix of classic murder mystery and comedy. I was surprised to find Daniel Craig’s character to be much different (that is: endearing, likable, and witty) than his character in previous Bond movies—and his goofy accent was the icing on the cake for me.
feeding the fam
Here’s a rundown of some of the family favorites that showed up on our table this month:
-Once Upon A Chef’s oven roasted chicken shawarma was enjoyed by all of us so much, it made it to the dinner table three times this month. Winner winner chicken dinner!
-These chicken meatballs with tomato-balsamic glaze were amaaazing! Another win from OUAC.
-HOPE YOU’RE NOT TIRED OF CHICKEN RECIPES YET cuz this chicken soup is a winter staple in our house. (Can you believe we used to be vegan, lolllll). Anyway, this is like a grown-up version of chicken noodle soup. And it freezes sooo well—so double the batch and feed your freezer, too. Amy Gannett is your ultimate feed the freezer gal and, as she would say, “Your future self will thank you.”
-And now, something that is not chicken (hooray)! Two of our favorite family food rituals include:
Friday night pizza + Bluey nights with a cheese/pepperoni pizza for the kids and this spinach artichoke white cheese one for the grown-ups, which is pretty much artichoke dip on a pizza crust. Make it easy on yourself by buying pre-made pizza dough. You’re welcome.
Saturday at-home-dinner-dates after the children go to bed are sometimes the only way to get in a date in this season of life. One night this month we made this basic risotto and added peas and crispy prosciutto. (Then we played Othello and went to bed at 10 like the old farts we are).
the little things
A list of some little things I’ve been loving:
-This hand cream. Yes the price tag is a bit cringy but it’s worth it, trust me. (It is especially worth it if you live in the Midwest, wash dishes 9 times a day, rinse cloth diapers 8 times a day, and then wash your hands an additional 14 times each day because it’s cold and flu season).
-This one is vulnerable. Are you ready? Ok here goes…I bought shorts from…Abercrombie (yes, that overly dark store mostly for teenagers, with the shirtless men and the overpowering cologne that gives you a migraine). THERE I SAID IT. This admission is pretty mortifying for the mere fact that I didn’t even shop there when I was the age of their target clientele (let alone now)! But listen, there are a lot of things I need from a pair of denim shorts now that I have had multiple children and am almost 30, chief among them: I need them to NOT give me a wedgie even if that’s “in” or whatever (kids these days, I swear). I thought my search was in vain. But lo and behold, here they are. (I even begged my husband to go pick them up for me because I was too embarrassed to go myself—he did. True love).
-These little gold, minimalist earrings. I have found so many fun earrings on Etsy. 10/10 recommend.
-These neutral, thick, cozy ankle socks wash up really well and are great with leggings or jeans, ankle boots or chunky, winter boots. My fave.
-This candle. It really does make me feel so cozy. I love that it’s pure soy, un-dyed, and not overpowering (I guess I’m a candle snob now, too).
words I’ve written
Here are some of my own words put to paper this month:
-I’ve written more poetry this month than I ever have in such a brief time, and while I’m not exactly sure how or why it’s all coming out right now, I suspect the words have been under the surface for some time, and it feels good to let them be free:
I wrote this poem while baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies for a dying neighbor — What I really want to do is yell a bunch of swear words / write you a card with the words: cancer can go to Hell / tell you that someday it will / that someday everything will be made new / but for now, I’m so deeply sorry—these cookies will have to do.
These words are about Amazon Prime packages and waiting — What I think about when I tear open the brown package is how we cannot expedite living—neither can we hurry along dying. We have certainly tried, with our ever-frenetic pace, to circumvent time—so unreasonable we’ve found its grasp and so innovative we have become…
This poem was inspired by my least favorite question: “What do you do?” — I do away with the mold growing on the shower grout / the coffee grounds in the filter / the socks with the holes in the heels / the voice that creeps in to say I am only worth as much as the money I make. I do all of this and the world continues to spin on its axis.
This vulnerable piece was written in a few moments of honest doubt. — I will pull my doubts on over my head, cinch my resentment around my waist, fasten all my questions around my neck, lace up tight my indignation.
And this poem — on how we are really all the same. — See how skilled we are at
exiling ourselves into deserts of our own making, at insisting we walk over the same parched earth alone? Come on then, take my hand and I yours, and let’s stumble through this cruel landscape together.
-I also published a toast for the new year on my blog — Here is to remembering our worthiness when there is nothing to boast–no beatific selfies, no trendy jeans, no measurable accomplishment to ease the fear that sits in our bellies like a squatter. Here is to drinking down all the love we’ve bottled up for the someday-people we may never become; here is to no longer shelving it in the cellar like some exorbitant cabernet.
Until next month, friends—may you remember to hold things lightly, carry yourself with tenderness, and find grace in the messy middle.
xo,
Krista
I love so much of this and can't wait to click through some of your links. It's like a treasure trove. 🥰 I love the thought of living in the gray. What a great reminder to just breathe.